Parenting Advice for Newbies

I saw a tweet yesterday from dadorbust asking what other parents wished they could go back and tell themselves during their first week of parenthood.

Boy, do I remember those days.

We were so excited to get our daughter home, but we didn't really know what came next. My husband had to talk me out of a meltdown more than once because I thought I was doing everything wrong and was convinced I was a bad mother.

I hadn't doubted myself like that before, ever.

In fact, I almost just wanted to go right back to work at my corporate job. At least there, I felt like I could handle everything that came my way and I had the experience I needed for any situation. At home with my daughter, I felt like I didn't have a clue.

Mealtimes seemed like they should be easy, but they were actually a real challenge. Our doctor basically told us our daughter would eat when she was hungry and we should just make sure not to let her to snack and snooze, but instead make sure she was fully awake to eat.

I also remember getting stir crazy. It was a shock to be out of commission after my c-section. Being cooped up our house and unable to move around or do much - or drive, especially - made me feel claustrophobic and helpless. By the time we finally got out of the house and walked down to the coffee shop on the corner, it might as well have been a marathon.

So what advice do I have to offer to new parents? Here goes...

Expect the Unexpected

Anytime someone asks me what it's like to have a new baby, I tell them you can't really expect what's coming. Your feelings may surprise you, but most of them are completely normal.

In a few weeks or a month, you'll remember this time and laugh. My husband and I still crack up about those first few weeks. We were sleep-deprived, unsure of ourselves, and afraid of everything. But, we made it through and it got so much easier.

Relax, and Re-prioritize

• Remember to sleep and get out of the house when you can.
• Take a walk or even sit outside just to take a break.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps. Everyone needs the rest, and the laundry and kitchen and yard and everything else can wait.
• Take turns staying up with the baby when necessary.
• If you're too tired, get someone to come over and help so you can rest.
• Talk to other parents.
• Invite nearby family members or friends to come visit for an hour each on different days. Short bursts of company can do wonders for your state of mind.

Trust Your Instincts and Take One Day at a Time

You and your baby will learn something new about each other every day, and after enough days go by, you'll have a routine that works for you.

Your baby will start eating more normally. She'll get used to the sounds and smells and probably find a comfy spot that she likes to nap in and a position she likes to sleep in.

You'll see that you have really good parenting instincts that are stronger than you ever thought they could be.

And, the first time you tell a doctor or nurse that you know what's best for your baby better than they do, you'll realize that somehow along the way, you settled pretty comfortably into the role of a parent.

Then, the first time your baby smiles at you - and the first time she giggles - you won't know what hit you. You'll just know with every cell in your body that the whole process was worth it.

There are just a few more feedings, sleepy nights, and diapers to get through between now and then.

Ultimately, becoming a parent is a lot like starting any other new job. There's just more riding on your success. Trust your instincts, get used to trial and error, and ask for advice from others who've been there.

So, that's my two cents. What other tips do you have for new parents?

Are Work at Home Moms (and Dads) Green?

In a post on her blog today, my friend Allison asks for a Hybrid Minivan Please.

"PLEASE, can we have a hybrid Minivan option? They have been selling a Toyota hybrid Minivan in Japan for seven years now. Seven years. It gets 40 miles to the gallon, versus the 16 I get with our Caravan."

This got me thinking about a comment I received on my post about the Changing Perceptions of the Home Office.

Talking about those of us who work from home, RCA said:

"It is time for public and corporate policies to embrace telecommuting. Those of us who do it, at least part of the time, have learned how to make it work, and we are in the forefront of cultural change that is inevitable."

Good point. I agree that the times are changing. Are we work-at-home parents and professionals leading the change?

Like Allison, I wouldn't consider myself "green," but I'm proud of the fact that I work from home and stay off the freeways. With the exception of one client meeting this week, I haven't driven more than 10 miles for about 10 days. This is a stark contrast to the 50 miles a day I drove while living in Los Angeles.

I'm certainly more concerned about the environment because I'm a parent. But I'm also more vigilant about my spending on gas and commodities because I have the luxury--and the challenge--of bringing in my own revenue every month.

It forces me to be more thoughtful about the choices I make for my business and my household.

What about you? How are your choices different now than they were in the corporate world or pre-kid days?

Do You Tweet?

I did it. I joined the ranks of all the "social media" folks and signed up for Twitter.

It's been an interesting experiment so far, and, as I wrote on another blog this week, Twitter has become my water cooler.

I've learned a few lessons that have made me analyze my writing habits and the way I communicate with different audiences. I have lots to share as soon as I finish up the urgent projects on my desk, but for now, I encourage everyone to try it.

Whether you're looking for other like-minded professionals, moms, dads, or any other interesting people you'd like to hear from (or talk to), you'll find us there.

Yes, I Need Weekends

After my previous post about Saturdays, I ran into this one by Tammy Erickson at Harvard Business Publishing, asking whether we need weekends:

"I’d like to see companies re-think the idea of a pre-set “week day” and a “weekend” and look instead at which jobs actually need synchronous activity with what frequency. If the job doesn’t require it, why not let the worker decide his or her own schedule?"

Although I have to admit that I like the idea of rethinking the traditional work week, I still take some comfort in the fact that weekend days that are socially accepted as "days off."

My Home Office is Closed on Saturdays

Because I work from a home office, I can usually make my own schedule. If I need to stop working in the middle of a weekday to take care of my daughter, run to the post office, or go grocery shopping, I can.

But, I often find that I don't appreciate it as much as I thought I would when I was working in a corporate office.

Even if I've been up early or late to get a project done or meet an urgent deadline, there's still part of me that's programmed to feel like I should be working during "normal business hours." I definitely still have some of the workaholic mindset I had at my corporate job, and it's a hard habit to break.

That's why I love Saturdays. I generally leave them open for fun and family time. And, while I may sneak some work in here and there, I don't have that "I should be working" feeling during any downtime.

I'm not in a rush; no scheduled phone calls or meetings. No milestones to hit or projects to turn in. Just my husband, my daughter, and me.

I'm off to enjoy it now...

Some Parents Just Have to Be Stopped

I'm all for parents finding creative ways to inspire, educate, and raise their children, but some clearly take the idea too far.

In today's news, a judge in New Zealand made a young girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, after an obvious lack of judgment on her parents' part:

"Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said."

Read more: Judge: Girl's name, Talula Does The Hula, won't do

Changing Perceptions of the Home Office

A few weeks back, I answered a LinkedIn question about the perception of work-at-home parents:

"[W]hy does this perception of a Home Office persist as not being as a capable or established as someone who pays extra for commercial space?

In my response, I mentioned that while I worked for Fortune 500 company, many of the service providers I chose operated out of home offices, and I never had a problem with it. As long as the work got done and the individual's household didn't disrupt our important calls or projects, it worked out well.

In fact, I often had a more positive view of those working at home. Why?

Value-based Pricing
Without paying a ton of overhead for a large office, home-based professionals almost always offered more competitive rates than their agency counterparts.

Flexible Schedules
The freelancers I worked with were significantly more flexible than those working in a larger corporate environment. Very often, I was able to condense project schedules because my virtual team members could jump on a conference call at the end of my workday or after they put kids to bed.

Then, they'd begin working on a web page, article, or other item we had just discussed, rather than waiting until the next day. It made a significant difference for me -- especially on days when I had a calendar packed with meetings -- to have a contractor hit a project milestone before I even arrived at the office the next morning.

Flash Forward: Promoting My Home Office
As a freelancer, I'm now on the other side of the equation and using this experience to my advantage. My clients know that I'm offline at certain points throughout the day. But, they also know that I always get their work done on time.

Email is My Friend
To ensure that all of my communications are professional -- even when my daughter is having a bad day -- I use email for about 80% of my communications. And, I schedule calls for early morning or mid-afternoon, while she's asleep and the house is quiet.

I Stay Connected
I also check email on my handheld throughout the day and reply to client messages immediately, even if it's to say "I'm not at my desk right now, but I will be in about an hour. Can I call you then, or do we need to discuss this right away?" This reassures everyone that I'm still connected and available, even if I've stepped away briefly.

After-Hours Are Mine
When my clients need something turned around quickly, they know they can call or email me -- even after hours or on weekends. I'll either pick up or call them back as soon as I'm able to. Ultimately, the balance works out well for everyone.

So, while I've worked with and have a great respect for some large agencies, I know I can provide the same quality with a few added perks. And, if I'm choosing someone to partner work with on a project, I'll choose other home-based professionals any day.

Multi-Tasking Madness

I'm pretty good at multi-tasking; I think every parent has to be. But I've had too many projects on my plate for the past week, and I think I'm dividing my focus among too many activities.

It's not that the projects are too much work alone... It's that I spend free time planning, brainstorming, coming up with ideas, and jotting notes about each project before I begin, and this same level of activity continues until the project is complete.

This is great when I can devote all of that creative work to one project. But, when I have a handful of them, I don't get the chance to "turn off" the thought process. Add to that the sound of my toddler playing in the next room, and the multi-tasking goes from being effective and to being a source of stress.

I'm wrapping up one job today, and then I think I'll take the afternoon off. If it's not too hot, maybe we'll go to the park. And while I'm watching my daughter go down the slide, I'll finally have some downtime to plan out tomorrow's project in my head.

Why are Falls so Funny?

I spend a lot of time stifling laughter around my daughter.

It's sort of like when I was in college. I went to school in one of the most bike-friendly places in the United States. Rarely did I get through a day without seeing at least one person wreck their bike and fall -- sometimes gracefully, others disastrously.

I'd be riding or walking across campus and someone would crash right in front of me. There would be a split second when I'd wait to see that the person was okay. And then, as they got back on the bike and kept going, there would be collective snicker among everyone who saw it happen.

Now, I do the same thing at home. Sometimes my daughter does something cute and starts to giggle herself. Other times, she does something she shouldn't do, or could even get hurt doing. But as long as she's okay, I can't help but break into a fit of laughter.

It's horrible, I know. But it happened just a minute ago. She had put one of my husband's t-shirts over her head and called it her "hat." She played peek-a-boo with it for a few minutes, and then decided to walk toward me. She didn't get very far, though, because the mess of toys on the floor tripped her up after 2 steps.

As she tumbled onto the carpet, my first reaction was to think "Oh, no! She's going to hurt herself!" But as she emerged from beneath the shirt -- looking confused about how she ended up on the ground -- I was through.

I tried to control the explosion of laughter long enough to scold her and tell her it was dangerous to walk around that way, but I could tell from the look on her face that she knew. Even if it was wrong, it was still funny.

I should really work on that...

It's Not Naptime, But it's Still a Dilemma

I run into the same thing after my daughter goes to sleep each night as I do when she naps. I should have gone to sleep long ago, but here I sit, tweaking site layouts and settings, writing a quick post, knowing I should be asleep.

The house is so quiet and I can't help but take advantage of it.

I keep thinking to myself "just 5 more minutes." Then, 5 minutes passes and turns into 20, 30, and then 45 minutes. And suddenly, it's just a few hours before the sun comes up again. How did that happen?!

The Naptime Dilemma

When my daughter was a baby and I was on maternity leave from my corporate job, I always felt like I needed to use her naptime to clean up the house, fold clothes, cook, or do something else I'd find impossible to do while holding her.

Now that she's a toddler, I try to use the time to get work done. Inevitably, though, some of the other stuff creeps in. I put away a plate from lunch and start straightening up the kitchen. Or, I think I'll just take a moment to read the news and end up wanting to catch up on my favorite technology or marketing blogs.

It's a never-ending battle.

Welcome

Welcome to the Copywriter Mom blog!

As a freelance writer, I host a number of other blogs on topics from local news to marketing trends. I find, however, that I still want an outlet to write about the everyday experiences of dealing with motherhood.

This blog will cover topics about my life as a work-at-home parent and the experiences I have changing gears from Mom to Wife to Writer to Marketing Consultant and back again.

Thanks for visiting, and I hope you'll visit often and share your thoughts in the comments.